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Subject: Changes in Casting for Met 2009-2010
From: Charles Handelman <[log in to unmask]>
Reply-To:Charles Handelman <[log in to unmask]>
Date:Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:28:43 -0500
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FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   ATTENZIONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The Met Opera has decided that, based on recent super-human events 
assumed by tenor Marcello Giordani, there will be some slight cast changes for 
next season as follows:

                  Mr.Giordani will appear in the following  roles:

Mario  (Alvarez will do Spoletta)
Radames  (will take high E flat at end Act 2)
Tamino      
Foresto in Attila (with high notes and the hell with Muti senza acuti.)
Don Basilio in Nozze (give him at least a little relaxing role.)
Almaviva ( and will interpolate the role of Arnoldo in the lesson Scene)
Rosenkavalier Singer (with three encores
Luigi and Rinuccio in the Trittico, and if Suor Angelica is sick, he will sing 
offstage her role in head voice while she lipsynchs
Calaf in Turandot
All the comic character in Hoffmann (because Villazon is a nice guy and let's 
give him a break)
All the unborn children in Frau ohne Schatten
Hansel and Gretel..Hansel (so what if he is tall..he has nice legs.)
Don Jose AND the bull in Carmen (he is strong enough)
Fille...Tonio with the aria transposed up and seven encores..making a total of 
72 high D flats..big deal!
Armida   all the 5 tenors....simultaneously
Lulu      well..we will let that pass.

Change because of budget problems: Instead of La Boheme, he will star in an 
uncut Rienzi.

  Also, a new cabinet position will be created and he will assume the position 
of "Secretary of Reliability," therefore allowing all budget crisis to be solved, 
not to mention making sure no one ever kills a moose anywhere.
  He will also save the NY Yankees millions by being hired instead of C.C. 
Sabathia.

                Otherwise, he will just rest up for the 2012 Olympics, at which 
time he will compete against Michael Phelps, singing (underwater) the role of 
Arnoldo in William Tell.

  What a boring life!!!!!      Lovingly    Charlie Handelman, who actually once 
did sing Don Jose's mother and Escamillo in the evening.

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