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Subject: NEW YORK TIMES: Divas Dropping Like Flies!
From: Roy Wood <[log in to unmask]>
Reply-To:Roy Wood <[log in to unmask]>
Date:Tue, 25 Feb 2003 16:53:10 -0500
Content-Type:text/plain
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[Front Page of New York Times, Wednesday, 2/26/2003]

DIVAS DROPPING LIKE FLIES

Since opera playboy Charlie Handelman honored Finnish soprano Karita
Mattila as "the greatest soprano in the opera world today" on the Internet
yesterday,  divas have been dropping like flies.  First to succumb was the
world's reigning Isolde, Jane Eaglen: after reading Handelman's post on the
listserv Opera-L, Eaglen reportedly went to the kitchen, fixed herself a
mickey finn and passed from this world sometime shortly after. When soprano
Ruth Ann Swenson was told the Handelman news between acts of a performance
of Verdi's "La Traviata" at the Metropolitan Opera, the diva simply fainted
dead away. Last evening, soprano Aprile Millo was reportedly seen jumping
into New York City's East River exclaiming "Now I Join Zinka". Precisely at
dawn this morning, Catherine Malfitano, a famous Tosca, jumped off the roof
of her co-op.  Renee Fleming, who most recently sang the bel canto
rarity "Il Pirata" at the Met, was found wandering around Central Park this
morning in an obvious state of dementia -- now that lovely songbird is
warbling in a psychiatric ward upstate. Finally, within the last hour,
police have reported that soprano Deborah Voigt has been missing since last
evening. The only clue to her disappearance is a bloody H scrawled on her
refrigerator door.

Unfortunately, Karita Mattila could not long enjoy her new-found status as
the greatest soprano in the world: tragically, she was run down by an
automobile being driving by "The Love Couple", Angela Gheorghiu and Roberto
Alagna while jogging this morning. After mowing down Mattila, Gheorghiu &
Alagna, acting like that other famous couple Bonnie & Clyde, led NYPD on a
wild car chase ending with them plunging to their deaths off the George
Washington bridge.

Mr. Handelman could not be reached for comment. However, a friend of
Handelman's, on condition of anonymity, told this reporter that, at around
midnight last night, he saw Handelman and Sondra Radvanovsky getting into a
taxi together. Neither Handelman nor Radvanovsky has been seen since.

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